The Grass is Greener Where You Water It

Well, it’s February 11th 2025- 2 days after my birthday and 2 days into my personal “new year” and I have been back in corporate America since October of 2023 now.... whew.  

Life 2.0 Revamped, perhaps?  

Back in May of 2022, I mentioned in my previous blog Life 2.0 how I was working a full-time job that was mentally draining, unfulfilling, and had me constantly stressed about making sure I kept up to my employer’s standards (in corporate America), which led to me stepping down and working in less mentally demanding positions for the sake of having the capacity to pour into my business. I even made a video talking about how strongly I felt corporate America wasn't the route for me. 

When I stepped down, it was the happiest time of my life. I truly felt like God was giving me a taste of the life I'm meant to live. It was part time working for somebody else and all the other time was working for myself. When I clocked out, that work didn’t come home with me anymore. I was lucky enough to even have the opportunity to live this way because my dad was supporting me financially at this time. Well, long story short- I was getting up in age, had my degree, and started to feel like it was time for me to be a big girl and support myself. I hit the reset button and moved back home to figure out my next steps. I actually began to be embarrassed about the fact that I wasn't using my degree and felt like it was time to get on a solid career path. 

Meanwhile, still operating my business and trying to keep the momentum, I learned a very hard lesson. I had not paid attention to my inventory and all of my products were soon expiring. This meant the time was quickly approaching for when I would have to discard thousands of dollars' worth of products, could no longer sell, and did not have the capital to restock. 🙁 Just like that, it felt like being back to square one.  

And back to corporate America. Obviously, there was anxiety about if I would be able to continue to build my personal brand/chase my dreams with going back full time due to my previous experience. The reality was that at this point in time, it was actually required to do what I wanted to do- which was officially step into adulthood for the first time and get my own apartment. After several months, the new job and new home excitement was replaced with a familiar anxiety and I began to see similarities from my previous experience. I found myself being mentally drained by the end of most days. I found myself not even being able to practice what I have been preaching throughout my brand because of the time and energy I give when I'm clocked in since I'm required to work 47.50 hours instead of 40 hours a week. In all transparency, my job only pays me enough to take care of necessities with a sprinkle of play.  Don’t get me wrong, that’s a blessing that not even everybody has! But in this particular setting, I just don’t feel like the work I do/responsibility I have is parallel with the pay. I have overall felt a lack of alignment, the feeling of something being not quite right, and that this new work life is not flowing well at all with my personal goals.  

Despite my complaining, this is not a blog to talk about how much I don’t like my job. While there are some things that I wish were different- there are also some things I am greatly appreciative of. After taking a part time second job briefly (because of the lack of financials previously mentioned), I realize how I can maximize my time outside of those 47.5 hours. I realized how I MUST prioritize my time outside of those 47.50 hours.  

The grass is greener where you water it. Watering my grass looks like not ending it (my life) at my 9-5. Everybody’s situations are dependent upon how they perceive and choose to react to the them. Since returning, I have been in a state of confusion and unclarity- feeling like this isn’t what my life supposed to be, not doing any of the things that fulfill me outside of work, not managing my time better, not seeing the glass half full, etc. After reflecting, I've realized that I can go in earlier to get off earlier to then spend time working on my passion projects, other streams of income, etc. You know, it doesn’t always feel good admitting you are a part of the problem hahaha but I have to. One thing I know about myself is that my goals are way too big for me to ever expect corporate America (on its own) to lead me to accomplishing those. It was always going to take extra. The day I got away from that mindset is the day I became silly. 

I lost my father December of 2024 and even though he wasn’t primarily supporting me anymore, he was still supporting me financially and that was the last straw for me deciding to not accept what has been my reality. Don't let someone or something else write your story. Always, always, always find the positive in EVERYTHING so you are able to lead with gratitude and not go down a rabbit hole of negative thoughts. Trust me, that’s been my life since back in corporate up until recently, which is why it has taken me so long to write this. I was still in a dark place mentally but I'm building myself back up to the ambitious, determined, and dedicated version of me that I know. It's funny, since slipping away from that, I can now go back to read my old blogs and watch my old YouTube videos to remind me of me in my prime, me at my best, me operating in my highest vibrations. 

That's why today, I'm here to prevail despite the odds stacked against me. One thing that is clear, it’s all a part of the story.